my life

I CAN DRIVE - I am the meek prius driver whom everybody drives around to cut off and pass. I am okay with this.

I HATE AUGUST - It's life...although some overnight canoeing will hopefully get my mind off missing everyone.

I LOVE CUCMBERS - and strawberries and lemon/orange wedges to throw in alongside a handful of ice cubes in my CamelBak water bottle (which I accidentally broke the other day, RIP, guess I'll have to conjure up another whopping $14 for an overpriced piece of plastic that I love)

I DON'T NEED EVERYTHING - I'm cleaning my room every day to tidy things up before I pack for Europe and for UPS. And every day I find more things that make me think, "I really never needed this/these, why did I buy this/them?" or "I'm such a pack rat. I don't need every single note that I passed with Michelle in 7th grade algebra or every English paper saved since sixth grade...wait, yes I do." Okay, so maybe I still hold on to some things...but I have a nice little (just kidding, HUGE) trunk for all my nostalgic memorabilia.

NEIGHBORS DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE ME THAT MUCH - I'm sorry I sometimes invite to my house people who sometimes don't carpool. Sometimes. Occasionally. And I'm sorry they sometimes move into your territory but hey it's not like you peed on the grounds to mark it yours (yeah..you just paid over 1.2 million dollars in lieu of defecating to indicate property). Also I'm sorry that I'm a bad driver and I don't always look around when I'm pulling out of the driveway. Also I'm sorry that sometimes I play music too loud.

LOSE WEIGHT, OR GIVE IT AWAY - Yeah so since I'm not the small girl I once was, if anyone wants some cute clothes (they're still pretty I promise! I had good taste in middle school/early years of high school!) sizes girls 12 to women's 25 in jeans or size 0...let me know. Or maybe I'll just get together with some friends and have a massive great garage sale with baked goods involved.

That's it. That's my life. Notice how my subtitles and descriptions became increasingly longer. Heh

Universe: The Ultimate Sly Fox

Here's the story: for about fourteen years I lived a solid life (satisfied with friends, the general area, academics, yet still curious for something a little more), for about two years I lived a sad sad life (devastated by loneliness, confusion, depression, yearning and desperately aching to escape), and for the last year and a half my life has been, in a word, wonderful. And that sixteen-year built-up desperation for escape dissolved somewhere along the last few months and now I have all these plans that I made way before, plans that I don't really want to keep anymore. I'm sure that I'll eventually see how it worked out when I'm older, but for now, as the blog title so aptly describes...I'm distraught. I've bonded with all these people along the way and now it's rendered me dependent on not this soil but the relationships I've made. Kids, never forget that - relationships are life. They are so important. For so long I've told myself that I don't need people, humanity is a lost cause, all I need are books and music, and while aesthetic and literature is essential to life, there is nothing better than coming together to emanate an almost tangible energy of laughter, wit, friendship, and immense joy and love.

Sap's over. Back to napping.

Been lacking

I've fallen very hard for the temptations around me. The diet is dead, but alas, I have found hope: http://www.skinnytaste.com/
http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/dietplan

Anywhoo, I looked at myself clad in a swimsuit in a mirror today and thought "MON DIEU!"

change is of the essence.

I'm not trying to thin out before prom/summer/beach season (although that would be nice, I don't think I have the willpower to lose weight so quickly), I just wanna become accustomed to a relatively healthy diet that follows me throughout college.

So anyway, I've been learning the art of thinking. Well kinda.

"I wish I could throw off the thoughts which poison my happiness, but I take a kind of pleasure in indulging them." -Chopin
"Expectation is the root of all heartbreak."-Shakespeare

fred & will. my main men.

mmmm blt lettuce wraps sound good...lettuce wraps in general sound good. or lemonade from the hummus place. or anything from the hummus place.


"don't forget me, i beg, i remember you say 'sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.'"-adele

well that's 2 percent of the thoughts of my day. the end

La noyée

Ten points to Carla Bruni for making the best songs to listen to while lounging around in bed, sleeping in, and/or spending extended hours being lazy in pjs

Something about the acoustics and the raspy French voice. It makes me feel like I'm living a careless, worry-free life in Paris. And for a few seconds, minutes, or hours i can feel like this girl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oWGD5yYS9g

Healthy playlist.

I guess I'm feeling a little okay, I mean today was not horrible, although I still feel a little suffocated and a little cramped and a little too big, like taking up too much space in a room too small and unfit for me, but it's okay for the most part. I have every right to feel good today. A record was made in the Boston Marathon (that's why I love April 18), my friends came home from Coachella, and my family and friends are healthy and safe and are in no immediate danger. There are so many tiny things that get me so down all the time, it's like my eyes are ridiculously clear and I have strangely good vision that allows me to see infinitesimal, limitless flaws in this world. Small things that get implanted in my head that grow seeds for horrible hypotheticals and anxieties. But there are so many other great things that I should look at. It's hard. I think that's why I need to be introverted sometimes. Many others often misconstrue my introverted self as me being upset or angry, but sometimes I just need time for thinking about everything, so I can settle down a bit and look at the brighter aspects of things.

To be listened to amongst freshness and light colors. Like carrots and cucumbers.

Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie

Dream - Priscilla Ahn

Opus 36 - Dustin O'Halloran

Souverian - Andrew Bird

Natural Disaster - Andrew Bird

Unfolding Fans - Andrew Bird

Le Festin - Camille

Drops in the River - Fleet Foxes

Sun Giant - Fleet Foxes

Birds - Kate Nash

Torch Song - Shady Bard

Day one.

From a day I have learned this: being healthy is an inconvenience. You can't grab nutritious items off of a sale rack at the grocery market like you can with a bag of Doritos or Lays Chips. So to maintain a healthy diet, it's going to take some extra work in this trans-fat-infested American society.

Day one quick snack:

-Baby carrots (washed & peeled)

-Cucumbers (washed & cut)

-A dash of salt and pepper

-Sesame seeds (your discretion)

-About a pinch of parmesan cheese (finely finely grated)

Take these ingredients and throw em on a plate. Literally throw them on. It sounds like an odd concoction of foods, but it tastes so fresh and surprisingly, there's a real quick in the outcome (I'm not sure whether or not to call it a salad). On the side, I added a thin slice of light cheese just to get my small intake of fat/dairy. Mmmm mm mmm.

I also bought a ton of lemons today at the market - hopefully I can make some sort of lean lemon chicken dinner this week :)

Thoughts

The more I think, the more I feel I am suffocating. The air is clearer in Tacoma. I cannot stay here for long, I must leave everyone. I must leave you.

I will leave all and miss a few. But I must leave.

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